My boyfriend was recently diagnosed with T1D last summer after getting a surgery. We thought the side effects of excessive thirst and blurry vision was just side effects of his medication, but found out later it was diabetes. He’s in the honeymoon stage right now and I’m trying to figure out how to best support him. He says he’s not scared as the technology has advanced so much, but I’m scared for him. And I’m angry. I know he didn’t choose this, of course I’m not angry at him, but just angry that this has happened to him and ultimately will change everything in his life when he needs to start taking insulin. I feel like we’ve distanced a little bit because of this, adjusting to a new normal, and I’m just looking for ways to support him and let go of the anger and fear. It’s been about a year since diagnosis, and it doesn’t get much easier. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop - waiting for him to come out of the honeymoon phase, and it’s absolutely terrifying.
Hi Amelia, Things will not get better. The nature of our disease does not disappear or heal. take advantage of the latest technologies available. There are plenty of people on this forum that can give you that kind of advice and recommendations. Your Your boyfriend is now sailing the boat. Constantly trimming, sometimes reefing but never stopping. It is a relentless daily routine. Find a constant monitoring device and you will learn about how food assimilates and how shots assimilate and how exercise assimilates. Stick with him because He will need your help. You can look at this as a second chance at life.
You’re right — you did not choose this. Neither of you chose to have diabetes as part of your lives.
But it’s here to stay. What you can choose is what you are going to do about it.
You can choose to hide in a corner and be scared of life (the option we all are tempted to choose and that some do). Or you can push past the fear of the unknown and go out and live life, despite annoying CGM beeps and extra juice boxes and carb counts.
It’s possible to live a great life with diabetes. I try to do it everyday. So far, I’ve gotten to do a lot of cool things, even with my insulin pump and CGM.
You and your boyfriend can do all the “normal” things, if in an abnormal way. Travel, vacation, the great outdoors, and even normal things like exercise and eating out and doing fun things together are not out of reach.
That’s the way I see it. Life with diabetes is hard. It can be a beast. It can be scary. It can be all the things. But instead of focusing on what you can’t choose, I’ve found it helpful to focus on what I can choose. Maybe that’ll help you too.
hi @t1dgirlfriend welcome to Breakthrough T1D. you know it took me forever to even consider that I have no control over things that exist outside my hula-hoop. A really smart lady told me to hold a hula-hoop about waist high and then pause and look at it, because whatever was inside that hula hoop was on me and whatever was outside it was on everyone else. I’m so dumb and stubborn I had to actually do it for it to make a lasting impression on me.
When a loved one gets sick it can trigger a lot of stuff. Some of it is as old as the human genome… "will I catch it too? what if they die and leave me all alone? how could THEY do this to ME? "… etc. no matter what issue it triggers, how you perceive it and what you do about it is something you can control. In a way it is just like a trauma or loss, and the way most people process loss is grief, and grief for a lot of people is a progression of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I recommend talking to someone about grief, sometimes people find help in religion or some form of therapy. Also, and I am sure you are aware. he is very likely gong through trauma and grief as well.
as far as diabetes being the end game… this forum has quite a bit of experience, our participants here have successfully managed diabetes, to the point where quite a number of us don’t even consider management of diabetes as anything more than background noise. As for me, yea when I was a teenager I convinced myself that diabetes was a death sentence, it took decades for me to look around and say “heck, I’m still here, maybe this isn’t how it ends”. and even with type 1 and now with 45 years experience treating my type 1, I have managed a career and family, and do all of the things I I ever wanted to do - and with a little luck, shall continue to do for many more decades. Now given that I am not a magician, and I am not “gifted” I propose that if I can do it then anyone can.
hang in there, I hope you find relief and peace with your feelings. you can ask us anything. I hope you also encourage your boyfriend to join the community. 
@t1dgirlfriend Welcome to the Breakthrough T1D Forum! You have already received some really good thoughts for you to consider suggestions to be more positive.
I’m not psychic, but I sense you are rea;;y asking us to help you decide if you should stay with your boyfriend and offer support. Education may assist you; separate Fact from Myth - much of the diabetes “horror” you hear and read is myth. Don’t get me wrong, living a healthy, long, happy and productive life does take work; and please be aware that the really effective insulin formulations now available and assistive tools make the “work” almost automatic reflex. You have the opportunity now to learn before your boyfriend actually becomes “diabetic” - a person with T1D, by definition, NEEDS insulin from an outside source.
Back in the good-old days, 1955, when diabetes poked up its ugly head in me, the doctors told my family that if I followed all the rules that I might live for as many as 10 years. Thankfully, my family never told me that until 40 years later - what has carried me through these 69 years is a positive “I can do” attitude. I’ve done everything I’ve ever wanted to do except perhaps, land my “Spit-Fier Flier” on the pitching deck of a carrier.
@t1dgirlfriend Our positions are quite different. Like @Dennis, I’m 69, unlike @Dennis, I wasn’t Dx’d until I was 58 and that was a mis-dx as T2, coming up 4 years ago it was properly dx’d as T1. I’m not sure what’s best, experiencing it most of your life or just at one end. I’m very fortunate to have a very loving wife that, from my perspective, has gone far above and beyond with adjusting to my T1 dx…what food she buys, what she cooks, (I do help with these things, I’m not a total chauvinist), carb counting, being wakened in the middle of the night by CGM alarms or pumps that need changing because I failed to accurately count…the list goes on. I’m truly blessed to have her in my life. Neither of us, nor you, bargained for this “event” in our journey. My attitudes, questions, and perspectives when things “don’t go right” have tested our bonds numerous times, I expect they will into the future…I suspect you and he may do likewise. I hope my wife and I are both willing to hold on and push thru! At times I don’t recognize myself, would that I didn’t “go off” like I do, though I try not to. My wife says she thinks the “dragon” has taken over at times and rules the day…but I don’t think it rules the life, though at times it may seem to. This may be what you and your boyfriend experience, it may not. The key is how you both deal with it, what you’re both willing to do to “make it thru.” Are you and he willing to hold on to each other as the bumps, hills, even some cliffs and mountains, affect your lives? Right now its T1D, but other things will come up. My wife and I have faced melanoma (she’s at Stage 3B), uterine cancer, and my T1…and our ride isn’t over! And the answer is: You’ll never know until after you’ve gone thru it, none of us do. You could choose this or a different path and end up with the best or the worst that life has to offer. The only thing I can really offer is this: Talk with each other, communicate, be honest even it seems to or does hurt. My wife has told me I sometimes seem to be closing her off, and it’s true; I sometimes think I talk to much about T1, other times I know I’m not open enough, I convince myself I’m protecting her…and the same goes for her. Try your best, make the choices that seem right for you and him…not the easy ones, but what you think are the right ones…and whichever choice you and he make, leave it all on the field. No one here can give you THE answer, we can only tell you what we’ve done, what worked and, if we’re honest, what didn’t. What’s right for you? You get to and have to decide for yourself, your boyfriend for himself. It’s best if you talk “with” each other during the process. And if you need some “what worked, what didn’t”, come back here…there’s no shortage of discussion!
CORRECTION: @Dennis is NOT 69 years old; actually a decade and half older.
@Dennis has lived with clinically diagnosed brittle autoimmune diabetes for more than 69 years and was not one of the “Lucky” ones with diabetes who acquired the condition “later” in life.
@t1dgirlfriend, my wife accepted me as her husband fully aware that I had been living with diabetes for 10 years. She was able to seperate diabetes, with all the “dangers”, from diabetes myth.
@Dennis My apologies, I did the math wrong on reading your post! Our wives sound similar! I think my wife handles my T1 dx better than I do! I also rarely argue/discuss numbers with her!
That’s okay Tom @Tlholz, I can see how my writing wasn’t clear.
Yes, my wife is wonderful in many ways, and in particular the manner in which she accepted my condition. after only 4 months since our first date - and 10 months before we tied the knot. When she became aware that I hadn’t seen any doctor [other than at the Draft Board for several years she made an appointment for me to become a patient of the Medical Director at Joslin Clinic. That was a major change in my life, 58 years ago this month, and is probably the only reason that I’m still alive.
it very nice of you to be here. i was diagnosed a year ago and my husband and i were on the same boat. i would suggest you ask your bf to explain the technology that is making him feel comfortable. if he is on a cgm, ask to follow him to see how he is managing and just try not to judge when he is not managing well. we’re both nerds, so the data analysis has been a real bonding experience. Good luck!
Hi. I was just wondering if you have actually shared with your boyfriend the anger you are feeling? What was his response? Ultimately, you will both have to deal with his T1D together. Sometimes a couples counselor can help with this, when distance is happening. If you and him think this would help, he can try reaching out to his endocrinologist’s office, to see if they have such a person with whom they are used to working.