Hello, I have been a diabetic for 21 years and so of course there have been a lot of ups and downs but lately I’ve been in one of the downs and I just need some support.
I feel like I’m back to my days of being an angsty pre-teen, angry that no one in my life understood how hard this disease can be and what a toll it takes on us mentally. Only now, it’s somehow made worse by the fact I’m in a relationship with an ND (non-diabetic).
He is lovely and tries so hard to be understanding, but at the end of the day he will simply never get it. And I absolutely hate myself for it, but at times I feel myself feeling resentful about this, resenting the fact he doesn’t have to worry about all the same things I do, resenting that he has not spent the last 21 years of his life manually completing the job of a vital organ like I have.
Rationally I know that it’s not fair of me to feel this way, but right now, while I’m already hurtling towards the cliff that is diabetic burnout, I can’t help it. Has anyone else struggled with feeling this way? And if so how did you manage it?
Hello @iceinmyoj welcome to Breakthrough T1D. Sorry you are going through a rough patch but bad times do happen to everyone. I can certify that T1 is a painful, difficult, unrelenting disease and our only reward for doing a great job is we get to feel normal for a little while. Burnout and fatigue are unavoidable. I did feel resentful of people who didn’t have T1, my friends, my family my girlfriends my colleagues but for me the only person i truly hated was myself. For decades this resentment only hurt me. It affected my life, my work and my relationships.
Let’s take it by the numbers - there’s 380+ million people in the USA. There’s likely 2-20 million (estimated) people with type 1 here so what we have is rare and it is likely you will never date a type 1.
The important thing is that you talk about your resentments and try to reach a place where it doesn’t hurt you as much and tgen maybe it doesn’t hurt you at all at some point.
I saw a therapist for years to treat depression and general anxiety and it helped me reach acceptance that I have a rare disease and it is never, ever going to go away.
My wife doesn’t have type 1, has a general idea that I should eat if I “feel weird “ and She has written instructions for my glucagon., but that’s about it. We’ve been married 20 years. No it doesn’t matter to me that she knows or doesn’t know all the details, I take care of myself. Talk about the underlying reason for the anger and it could be of immense help to you. If it means anything I am rooting for you. cheers and good luck
cheers and good luck